I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
