let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
