They should really pass out barf bags in church
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
