Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

Fav 13 1218 1297
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(313): View more from Michigan

i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

Fav 47 4600 1299
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(770): View more from Georgia

I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

Fav 51 1419 4946
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

Fav 49 1544 6432
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.

Fav 3 836 2027
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(859): View more from Kentucky

The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow

Fav 5 2197 849
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(415): View more from California

The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.

Fav 9 1513 683
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(951): View more from California

Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.

Fav 1 231 118
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(207): View more from Maine

This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.

Fav 0 12 17
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