Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
