i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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