Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
