party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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