I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
