He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a beard to bite.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
