So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
