i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
