he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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