Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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