I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
