in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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