drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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