There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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