I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
