Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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