Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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