I skipped work to stalk him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
