Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
