i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
