Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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