Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
