my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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