i wish semen tasted like chocolate
should my penis look like a turkey
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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