I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
