I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
