Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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