Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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