I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
