my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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