Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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