i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
