we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
