I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
