you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
