never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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