the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The uberlube is also flammable
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
