I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
