i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
