He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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