OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
