i permit you to call me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
