This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
