And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
