I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
