I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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