You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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