I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
