matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
