I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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